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Part 2
By Chokee Slam (the artist formerly known as CiggiePak) (10/98)
LEX LUGER
Asides from being the missing link, how could all the
ugliest, most dramatic features be placed in one face?? How could he be considered the
"Total Package".. this title would be justified if it was "The Total
Package of Ugliness". (However credit is given where due: he did body slam Yokozuna.)
THOSE WHO HAVE 'SMALL FEATURES ON A
BIG FACE SYNDROME' (SFOABFS)
- Curt Hennig
- Gangrel
- Lex Luger
- That guy at the corner deli from where I work.
ZAMBONI!!!
Why did Steve Austin drive a Zamboni, going at 5 or
less MPH instead of running to the ring to get Vinnie Mac during Raw is War September 28,
1998.
REDUNDANCY
Why doesn’t a wrestler who performs 3 elbow
drops at a time CONTINUE to drop more elbows until they get dizzy.
THE CRACK THEORY
When a wrestler gets his tights pulled down on
national television and reveals crack, he loses the match. For instance: Rock vs HHH
(Summerslam 1998 Ladder Match: the people’s crack was shown and the Rock lost his
belt), Shawn Michaels vs Steve Austin (Wrestlemania 14 Title match: Boy Toy Crack was
shown and Shawn lost the belt), Kenny Shamrock vs. The Rock (Mayhem in Manchester:
People’s crack was revealed again and the Rock lost the match). This is most likely a
lesson to be taught to the children :
CRACK KILLS!! (your chances of
winning)
BRAD SHAW?
Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw. Is his real name
Brad Shaw??
THE ROCK SPAZZED
During his interview on Breakdown, the Rock’s
eyes suddenly started darting to and fro, front and back. I was wondering WHEN someone
would run in and stuff a wallet into his mouth.
GOLDBERG
Why hasn’t he exploded yet in a burst of
adrenaline?? Why hasn’t he popped a blood vessel?
SABLE
Why hasn’t her boobs leaked and exploded from
excessive pressure (like water balloons)
MANKIND
In all Mick Foley’s different personas, all his
big sloppy pants (the black ones for Cactus Jack, the blue ones for Dude Love and the
brown ones for Mankind) have a hole in the seam along his butt. Do gargoyles fly out of
his butt on a regular basis??
LIGHTING PLEASE!
During the interviews with The Undertaker and/or
Kane, the tech crew has appropiately placed dramatic lighting beneath the two 7 foot
giants to illuminate their overpowering frames. Imagine the dramatics if they two were
holding flashlights under their faces instead. It could teach children the value and
wisdom of improvising.
GANGREL
If he keeps drinking all that KOOL-AID, will he burst
like a bloated tick?? And what's so sexy about a stocky, ugly vampire? (OH, who said
that?)
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