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Part 1
By Chokee Slam (the artist formerly known as CiggiePak) (9/98)
WHY IS DEAN MALENKO ALLOWED TO
SPEAK??
Now we’re not one to make accusations without
any merit. During his ‘stint’ with the Four Horsemen, he blared to another
wrestler, "You don’t have what it takes to be A Four
Horsemen." Our suggestion to him is that he should have known better to say ‘ONE
OF THE four horsemen.’ or ‘PART OF THE four horsemen’. It would have saved
him some embarassment.
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED THAT NIGHT
GOLDBERG FLOPPED??
For those who didn’t see this happen, it
occurred after he won one of his many two minute matches. He was to perform his signature
yell, and was going to grasp the top rope for leverage, I suppose, and lost his grasp (or
footing.. SOMETHING happened), fell back, rolled backwards, got back up and peformed his
signature YELL again. I must say that he handled himself pretty well though. I would have
busted out laughing.
WHY DID DX MEMBER, MR. BAD ASS BILLY
GUNN, WEAR THOSE SHORTS OUTSIDE THE ARENA IN DETROIT??
After the match with himself and Road Dog against
Southern Justice Monday Night Raw September 28, 1998, he began leaving the arena still
wearing his little shimmery acqua blue boy leg brief tights (with "Mr. Ass"
written in the back and lips all over). The mystery is WHY someone would allow him to walk
out with those little shorts on. He could have been SO raped.
WHY IS CHYNA ALLOWED TO SPEAK?
Now this female body builder’s frame could put
any man to shame. Except when she speaks, she lisps and sounds like Cindy Brady. I’d
say the image tends to be slightly ruined because of this. And we know, IMAGE IS
EVERYTHING.
WHY IS KEN SHAMROCK ALLOWED TO
SPEAK??
Yes he is ‘The Most Dangerous Man’, but
when he speaks and or screams, he sounds like a 3 year old boy. Perhaps if he voiced over
for Chyna, it would be believable. And Shawn Michaels can teach Kenny the art of speaking
in a lower and gruff tone (you know, the kind of voice which screams for a lozenge). (writer's
note: Kenny, I like you and highly respect you and don't beat me up, okay?? Hemorrhaging
is not something I fancy… nor sporting any bloated facial features.)
THE ROCK AND HIS SWEATING PROBLEM.
Wow, even before entering the ring, this man is
drenched already. During the match, his head is like a geyser, in which the water is just
dripping down his face. I do have a fear that he might dehydrate and then crumble to the
floor in a pile of ashes.
D’LO BROWN AND HIS "PUERTO
RICAN GIRL NECK SHAKE" MOVE
Everyone knows when he walks down the ring, he starts
shaking his head side to side with attitude. He does this in a frenetic way however and so
we ask, WHY hasn’t he gotten a neck crick yet, or why hasn’t his head completely
flew off his shoulders?
KANEY
Does he make faces under that mask?? And why have we
decided to call him Kaney?
WHAT’S MY RACE??
The Rock, Mark Mero, Yokozuna, Kane, Tatanka (Toy),
Iron Shiek, Razor Ramon, The Patriot….
ADAM BOMB
Is he perhaps Jewish and his real name is Adam Baum?
HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY
Hunter was wearing a shirt which looked like there
was large Hebrew symbol on it.. ???
THE FREDDIE MERCURY MYSTERY
Dan Dan the Beast Man Severn is a dead ringer for
Freddie Mercury of Queen fame. Perhaps Freddie isn’t actually dead and just got on
roids and became Dan Severn.
THE VILLAGE PEOPLE MYSTERY
Dan Dan the Beast Man Severn could be a missing link
from the Village People. He was the wrestler, wasn’t he?
REFEREES
Why is it that, for example, during a tag team match,
when the referee is trying to restrain one of the tag team members and his partner is
getting pummelled in the other corner, the referee does NOT feel the vibrations of the
canvas.. WHY is that????
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