By Chokee Slam & Bostin Crab (10/98)

Many wrestling fans have inquired as to whether professional wrestlers may have email accounts. We have no idea if any professional wrestlers have email accounts, nor do we actually believe that they would have the time to surf the internet. If any professional wrestlers actually do surf the internet, and find their way here, we, Bostin Crab and Chokee Slam have a few things we'd like to say:

• Please don't hurt us!
• Please don't hunt us down.
• Please don't put us in any piledrivers (this means YOU, Owen), boston crabs, sleeper holds, ankle lock submissions (this means YOU, Kenny), indian burns, etc.; also, no pinching, squeezing, popping, pounding or pushing.... please.
• We hold wrestlers in the highest regards and we have great respect for your athleticism and intelligence (even Dean Malenko-- OH! who said that?)
• Last point: We are of low self-esteem, and just make jokes to bolster our tiny egos (really).

That said, we figure that most wrestlers' email addresses would be pretty obscure to the common fan. We would like to make the following suggestions for wrestlers emails/screen names.