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December 98
Edition
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| SAVING FACE (and not doing a very good job at it
either) Hey! Welcome to the second edition of my little
corner of Crazy Wayne's page, Al Snow's Head. In this edition, we will try to
concentrate on Al Snow as an Icon. Notice I said try? *snort*
First, I want to take you back. Back to a certain wrestler named
Leif Cassidy (Picture 1). Har har har! What a gas! Then, lets go back even further to
Smokey Mountain Wrestling Al (Pictures 2 and 3). (hee hee!) I can't help it, I think these
pictures are really cute. (That's very interesting coming from someone who killed her
Tamagotchi because it was ugly... C.S.) Well, Crazy Wayne sent these pictures over to
me, and I just had to pass the savings along to you guys. |
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| Now, lets get to my report, and talk about Al's
personality, because, after all, I am a well-rounded, intelligent woman and personality is
EVERYTHING. Personality... Character... Hmmm... Al's got more character than there are
voices in Head. He's got great presence, and he's very comfortable on the mic. We believe
he's actually having conversations with Head, don't we? He gets over, big time. I know that Chokee and I joke about "image is everything", but
truth be told, we could never find someone attractive if they don't have character.
Personality is the first step to physical attractiveness. If you don't have personality,
I'll never care (or even notice) your physical attributes, and, of course, I want others
to treat me the same way.
So, that told, there's nothing wrong with checking out wrestlers'
butts (or package -- OH!) on Monday nights. See? I can rationalize anything... go ahead,
test me...
:::fading::: ...physical attributes... Al's cutest physical
attribute is not his butt, which I keep dwelling on (for humor's sake, I SWEAR!), its
probably his dimples, or his smile... >rattles head< ... >focus< |
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| So, now knowing that Al's got personality by the
truckload, I really don't know what took so long for him to be recognized as a wrestling
icon, but we're so glad he's made it! |
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In the last edition, I left you just before Survivor
Series. Something semi-dramatic happened at Sunday Night Heat, the pre-show to Survivor
Series: AL'S HAIR!!!! Al escorted the J.O.B. Squad to the ring, and he was sporting some
kind of one pig-tail off to the side deal a la Chris Jericho, but Bostin Crab, the
Mad Phat Snowflake refers you to her tribute (HA! Is that what you're calling that trash?
... ... SHUT UP YOU!) of one Mr. Al
Sarven where she suggests new hairsyles for Al Snow.
Hmmmmm... |
| Now, I'm not saying he could care less what I have
to say, I'm just saying that I was right, the pig-tail thing works. I'd just like to see
him finish the job and have had two pig-tails, but who knows, maybe he ran out of hair
bands, and I'm sure Sable has better things to do then to lend our Al hair bands. |
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The other new development (which, coincidentally, I
find a bit annoying) is that since the formation of the J.O.B. Squad, Al's been wearing a
J.O.B. Squad t-shirt over his wrestling attire. Hmmmm... Al? Why are you covering up those
lovely shoulders and pectorals? What, are you getting modest or something? You don't have
to advertise that you're with the J.O.B. Squad, you're the leader, everyone knows you
now... (Isn't that cool?) At least he cuts the sleeves
off... >hyuk< |
| AND he cuts the bottom of the shirt short, but not
too short. Don't you hate when wrestlers wear t-shirts over their wrestling panties where
the shirt covers up practically the entire panty, making them look naked under the shirt?
It's a little disturbing... This is the portion of the
article where I was going to complain about Al not being utilized in the WWF enough, and
how the J.O.B. Squad thing seemed in danger of fading away without ever getting a
chance... blah blah blah... But after Raw is War (11/23/98) WOAH!!! That was the coolest!
Al and the J.O.B. Squad sabotaging matches, doing "run-by's", helping Duane Gill
get the Light Heavyweight belt AND, making nice-nice with MANKIND! OH YEAH!!!
That's just the kind of pandemonium this Mad Phat wrestling fan
wants to see, and it seems to be going strong. Al even got a title shot against the Rock,
of course, the outcome was too predictable, but its a start. I'm being optimistic here.
:::fading::: ...physical attributes... hee hee hee... Don't blame
me this time, blame Pro Wrestling Illustrated. They've released their "50 Most
Beautiful People in Wrestling" issue, and guess who's number 7? Hmmm... could it be
one blonde-streaked, big brown eyed, Head carrying wrestling named ... Al? Well,
duh! Would I have brought it up otherwise, for corn sake? |
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PWI mentions Al's intriguing brown eyes, his lovely
hair, the fact that his elevator doesn't go all the way up to the penthouse, how a girl
could get in some kind of trouble with a guy like Al, BUUUUT they've failed
to mention that aside from the fact that physically he's a hottie, one asset women find
most attractive is that he seems emotionally helpless, without guidence, women want to
TAKE CARE of him ... its a maternal thing. Of course, that's just his gimmick, right? I'm
willing to play along with the fantasy, I mark out every Monday night to Raw is War... |
| So, PWI goes and prints this totally cute picture of
Al, where he appears to be wearing NO CLOTHES! AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! Thanks PWI, but I was trying
to focus on personality in this edition... You're no help! |
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| How am I going to prove myself an intelligent woman
who would just like to innocently sing the praises of her favorite wrestler when you print
pictures like that? HOW DARE YOU! So, what does everybody
want? ... It would seem the answer to that question has changed... Everybody wants Al.
Love & Kisses,
Bostin Crab
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