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compiled by Bostin Crab
(inspired by an idea of Unforgiven1)

What's this all about?  Here goes: Inspired by the 'love story' involving Mark Henry and Chyna wherein Jerry Lawler referred to Mark as "sexual chocolate," Unforgiven1 asked the age old question, "If wrestlers were flavors, what flavors would they be?"

Bostin was intrigued by this idea, and given the unpredictability of the Undertaker's wet spot of late, needed to self-administer some psychological tests.  What came about was this: The Mad Phat contributors were asked to pick a flavor for each wrestler, and given the opportunity to add up to 5 of their own choosing.  We were not privy to each other's answers.

The following is the result of that "test".  I think its an amusing way to tell what each person thinks of the wrestler in question.  See if you agree with the results, but I must warn you, there is a pretty hefty amount of MEAT on this list.  ... =)

WRESTLER Bostin Crab Chokee Slam F. N. Steiner Unforgiven1 Morella Poe
Steve Austin spicy Texas chili ho-ho flavored beef extra spicy Texas chili & a cold Steveweiser Mesquite Bar-B-Q beef ("its what's for dinner") rattlesnake shake (and yes, its a Motley Crue joke too)
The Undertaker lamb stew w/ carrots & potatoes devils food cake with lotsa cream Japanese pickled vegetables (he's embalmed, right?) T-bone steak & potatoes whaddya want on your Tombstone (pizza)?
Kane turkey breast, seasoned & juicy, with gravy barbecued breast tenders a well done burger (thanks to the UT) Cajun 'Gater steaks anything flame, particularly cherries jubilee
Rocky Maivia creamy hot cocoa spiked w/ Kaluha watered down coffee eggs and grits served with Polynesian sweet n/ sour sauce Hawaiian baked pig & poi The People's Pasty (some kind of meat pie!)
Al Snow warm banana bread, fresh from the oven mixed nuts pecan log banana split, sprinkles & nuts Crackerjacks
Ken Shamrock London broil eggplant rare sirloin steak spicy gardenburger Lucky Charms
N.A.O. mashed potatoes made from potato flakes & water cream puffs processed cheese food slices jalapeno cheese fondue badd ass roadkill surprize
Chyna venison, tastes kinda weird and gamey raw eggs stewed mutton chicken & dumplings chicken strong and silent
Owen Hart Canadian bacon nuggets .. not chicken nuggets overcooked chicken McNuggets McDonald's chicken nuggets chicken a la king (or chicken nuggets)
Steve Blackman plain dry chicken breast that indescribable tasting food roast beef dropped on the dirty floor black bean soup --
Jerry Lawler hot wings peanut butter and bananas Beef Wellington coleslaw country ham
Steven Regal kidney pie (I've never eaten it, and I never will) whatever makes your face cringe when eaten cold fish n' chips served in a dirty newspaper -- Bubble and Steak (Bubble & Squeak British for potatoes and sausage)
Shawn Michaels oatmeal, raisins & spice rice krispies quiche lorraine sweetbreads (brains & glands!) USDA Choice Beef, or a jawbreaker (lol)
Big Bossman stale pizza w/ pepperoni slim fast bacon Limburger cheese jelly filled donut
HHH caviar & peanut butter sunny doodles over cooked roast beef Beluga caviar pedigree flapjacks
Headbangers medium-rare hamburgers w/ fried onions chips and dip Callahan's hot dog Coney Island foot long with sauerkraut pop rocks
L.O.D. over-cooked hamburgers, no onions vodka and Spanish fly prunes macaroni & cheese truckstop special
X-Pac rotisserie chicken a face ... at least his crotch would taste that way (OH!) kfc popcorn chicken hot salsa & chips --
Mick Foley cotton candy (blue) nuts or cheesecake or ham sandwich (depending on which character) hostess sno balls (pink) 3 layer German chocolate cake cocoa puffs
Sable that plastic food you see in novelty stores Revlon ice cream made with saccharine and olean angel food cake twice stuffed potatoes
Goldberg corned beef on rye w/ mustard matzo balls corned beef sandwich with cole slaw & spicy mustard matzo ball soup golden shred (British for marmalade)
Wrath a huge juicy steak with a baked potato laughing cow cheese (triangle shaped ones) Cajun blackened steak (extra spicy) Tabasco covered to sirloin steak tuna melt
Roddy Piper shepherd's pie cheesy poofs butterscotch cookies haggis My little Scotch egg
Bam Bam Bigelow Philly cheese steak pork rinds pork rinds fudge brownies any sort of tea?
Hogan leather liverwurst (I throw up on liverwurst) extra dry beef jerky cheese soufflé Bratwurst or Pumpkin pie
Kevin Nash pancakes w/ maple syrup and a cold glass of milk fuel wet cigarettes black licorice Tall boy, cool one that's built to please oops, wrong one...
Juventud Guerrera arroz con pollo -- chicken soft taco spicy chicken soft taco Menudo (until he's over 19, then he gets kicked out of the band)
Chavo Guerrera, Jr. taco salad (with the works) -- any Mexican food with mole sauce cheeseburger with fries Hamburger short of a Happy Meal
Alex Wright stale potato chips -- lima beans cold oatmeal German potato salad
Scott Hall stale beer & sweat rubbing alcohol and hair grease old crow bourbon rum balls brandied capon
Chris Candido roast beef sandwich Tammy Lynn Sytch rocky road brownie chuck roast something with powdered sugar... he's cute
Tammy Lynn Sytch pop rocks Chris Candido hot fudge sundae strawberry shortcake, extra whip cream apple tart
The Dudley Boys hamburger helper jelly beans sweat socks beef teriyaki jerky milk duds?
Masato Tanaka sushi with lots of wasabi ginger dressing tuna sashimi meatloaf --
Shane Douglas bologna sandwich (its a good sandwich, but its still baloney) kryptonite cold filet-o-fish buffalo wings --
Francine styrofoam (oh, that's not a food, huh?) saline a turkey neck devils' food cake -- (her name sounds like a French poodle though)
Tommy Dreamer a very rare steak that bleeds all over your plate Jake Roberts' snake meatball hero (is that a flavor or a political statement? ...B.C.) meatballs --
Rob Van Dam ham & cheese w/ mayo, lettuce, tomato, peppers, relish, mustard, pickles, ketchup & onions (too much garnish when the plain sandwich would have been perfect) burger with jack cheese baked Alaska (made with generic ice cream) Thai beef & rice Belgian waffle?
Sabu gristle that someone else already chewed on gyro with feta cheese hummous and pitas beef stew --
Taz short ribs with no sauce meatball stew meat that hasn't cooked enough chili --
Additions:
The Blue Meanie blue raspberry lollipop Bomb Pop blue Curacao    
Paul E. Dangerously a fully loaded New York City hot dog Sour Patch Kids candy white chocolate flavored cocoa    
Gangrel corn syrup sweat vinyl & patchouli    
Terry Funk greasy salami tea biscuits (that's what old people eat) ben gay    
Raven       pickled tamales  
Kidman       spicy beef fajitas  
Brian Christopher       home made bread with honey  
Chris Jericho       curried beef and rice  
The Brood       steak tar tar  
Glacier         Eskimo Pie
Dean Malenko         Dream Whip

 

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